Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
