Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
