i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
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Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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