He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
