would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My penis needs a shock collar
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
