dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
