i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
