There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
