All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
