Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
home. puking in laundry basket.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
