I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
