note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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