They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
