currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
