I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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