so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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