Soap is not a condiment
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
