Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
