??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You ate ashes out of my bong
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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