you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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