One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
