and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
