Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Randomize
