Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize
