Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
