he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
