Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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