Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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