I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
