we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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