I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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