Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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