i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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