she was so not down for the gang bang
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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