you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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