We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
