Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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