I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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