operation harelip BJ is a go
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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