i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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