I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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