I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
