my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
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