True but thats because hes a fetus.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
