I cannot find my penis.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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