Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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