is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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