Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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