I was born with a shot glass in my hand
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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