dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
