It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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