my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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