11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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