i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
