dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
